Sanctuary for the Lost
by Saphura
Summary: The Doctor has just lost everything, and is alone in the universe. But there is one person in all of Time and Space who might be able to help him rediscover he isn't as alone as he would like to believe.
1. Part I

Don't you love it when you have a million things to do, and your Muse decides she wants to write a story? Yeah, that's how this came about. I've had this idea for a while, but never got around to writing it unto the other day.

I apologize if anyone seems out of character. Knowledge of the serial _Terminus_ may help understand who some people are, but is not required. This story was not Beta-ed, so sorry about any inconsistencies or mistakes. Feel free to let me know if you spot any, I'll try and change them. Parts 2 and 3 will come in the next day or two!

So on with the show. Please review after reading!

* * *

"Lady! Lady!"

The lady in question looked up to find a young woman running toward her at high speed. For a moment, she feared a collision, but the running girl expertly skidded to a stop. The woman shook her head, causing her brown curls to bounce about.

"Lucia, what have I told you about running through the halls like that?" she chastised. "You'll crash into something, or someone."

"Yes, I know Lady," Lucia gasped, "But…"

"Not to mention it is much easier to page someone rather than almost crash into them," the woman added.

"But this is _important_," Lucia said. "Lady, we have a new arrival."

"A new arrival?" the Lady asked. "But the next transport ship isn't due for another three days."

"It's not a transport ship," Lucia said. "It's… well, I don't know what it is. I was in the Lower Cargo bay taking stock when I heard this sound. I've never heard it before in my life; it scared me half to death! And when I went to look, there was this box…"

"Lucia, you were in the cargo bay," the Lady said, "Of course there was a box, there are boxes and crates in the cargo bay. You probably heard them shifting or Patch was playing a trick on you again."

"It wasn't Patch!" Lucia cried. "We have a truce! And I had checked that area five minutes before. The blue box wasn't there…"

"Did you say blue box?"

Lucia was surprised as the Lady's response. "Y-yes, ma'am. It was a blue box. Maybe two meters high, one across. It had two doors on one side, small windows all around, a light on top, and strange letters that I couldn't read… Lady Nyssa, are you okay?"

"Lucia, show me where this box is," Nyssa said. She quickly gathered together some equipment and supplies. "You must show me right now."

"Of course, Lady," Lucia replied. To her surprise, Nyssa took off running. Lady Nyssa never ran, unless something terrible was going on or some emergency called for it.

* * *

Lucia and Nyssa made it down to the Lower Cargo bay in record time. They weaved through the maze of boxes and crates, not wasting breath to talk though Lucia desperately wanted to. She was curious about why Lady Nyssa reacted in such a way when she was told about the blue box. Granted it had mysteriously appeared out of thin air, but there was something else going on.

"Here it is," Lucia said, rounding a corner. Nyssa followed, and almost crashed into the girl who had guided her here. Nyssa froze, she barely breathed as she took in the sight before her. Afraid that she had stopped breathing, Lucia gently said, "Lady Nyssa, are you okay?"

Nyssa snapped out of her trance. "Lucia, go call a stretcher down here," she ordered, "And tell them to set up a private treatment room."

"Lady…"

"Don't ask questions!" Nyssa snapped. "Go!"

"Yes ma'am!"

Lucia sprinted off, leaving Nyssa with the box. Nyssa turned back to the blue box; it was the same as she remembered… almost. It was still in the form of a blue British police call box, but it was quite obvious years had passed, or at least something had happened to the box. The blue paint was scorched and blackened in some places, peeling in others revealing a strange metal-looking wood underneath. Most of the windows were cracked and scratched, two windowpanes were missing. There were gouge marks all over the exterior, and the light on top was barely attached. The box looked like it had gone through hell and back more than once.

"Oh Doctor…" Nyssa breathed. If the TARDIS was in this bad of a condition, she could hardly imagine what the inside looked like, or what might have befallen the man who lived within.

Nyssa pulled out a silver chain around her neck. From it hung an old key, a memento of a chapter of her life of freedom, pain, joy, and wonder. She always wore it to remind herself to never forget, though after a while she doubted she would ever use it again. Key in hand, she walked forward and fitted it into the lock. The lock was stiff and stubborn, but she managed to coax it open. The door creaked open, and Nyssa pushed it wide enough to let her pass through.

"Guardian preserve…" she gasped.

The interior was _nothing _like she remembered. Gone were the white walls and back-lit roundels. Gone was the mushroom control console. In their place was a large open room and strangely archaic console with a glass pillar leading up to a roof somewhere in the darkness. The room was barely lit by emergency lighting, the occasional sparks from the console, and the dim blue light in the glass pillar. A deep, mournful bell could be heard reverberating from deep within the ship, but it was weak as if the ringer lacked the strength to pull the rope hard enough.

Debris littered the floor: books, papers, pieces of chairs and a table, machinery, wall and ceiling tiles, wires, glass, and twisted pieces of metal. Two of the beams surrounding the console had fallen over, another was bent. The console was badly damaged; one section was missing, another looked like it had been on fire at some point. Nyssa felt tears forming at the sight of her old home. She wanted to flee to her quarters, curl up under her blankets and weep.

But she couldn't do that. She still hadn't found the man she came in here looking for. There was still no sign of the Doctor.

"Doctor? Doctor are you here?" Nyssa called out, her voice shaking. "Can you hear me? Doctor!"

Her voice echoed in the vast space, but no response came. At least, not the one she wanted. Voices gathered around outside the box.

"Lady Nyssa, are you in there?" someone asked.

"Yes!" Nyssa cried. "Get in here, quick! Help me search!"

"But it's just a box…" someone else said.

"_Get in here!_" Nyssa yelled. A few seconds later, two people appeared, Olvir and one of the Vanir, Sigurd. Their mouths dropped open at the sight of the vast room inside the blue box.

"Oh my stars…" Olvir gasped.

"Don't just stand there!" Nyssa snapped. "Help me find the Doctor! He's in here somewhere!"

"Hey guys, all of you come in here!" Sigurd shouted back out the door. "The box is bigger on the inside!"

Several others quickly entered the box. After the initial shock wore off, they began to search through the wreckage and debris. Powerful lanterns filled the room with unnatural white light, but still the ceiling remained out of sight. Nyssa searched around the console, but found no sign of her old friend. She placed her hand on the console; it hummed weakly against her skin.

"What happened?" she whispered to the ship. The humming increased slightly, as if to answer, but quickly fell back down to its weak level.

"Over here! I found someone!"

Nyssa jumped up and hurried over. Three people were clearing away a pile of debris revealing a dust and ash covered man underneath.

"Get a stretcher over here!" one of the people shouted.

Nyssa knelt next to the man on the ground. He was unconscious, which was probably a blessing in disguise. There was a large gash across his forehead, and his left leg was pinned down under a large piece of the ceiling. As the others worked to get the panel off his leg, Nyssa took readings on the man, barely able to see the numbers and words through her tears.

"Nyssa?" A man asked as he appeared by her side.

"Olvir, we have to help him," Nyssa said. "We have to help him… I have to… oh Doctor…" She broke down into tears.

"Help her up," she heard Olvir say. "You four, help me get him on the stretcher and get him to the treatment room, _stat_!"

Nyssa let two pairs of strong hands pull her to her feet and lead her away. Once outside Nyssa broke away and leaned against a large crate.

"Nyssa…" It was Olvir again.

"He's the Doctor, Olvir," Nyssa said. "I'll follow you up, wait for me before you do anything."

"Nys, you're in no condition to help," Olvir said. "You're too attached. And how can he be the Doctor? He had blond hair, as I seem to remember…"

"I haven't seen the man in years, Olvir!" Nyssa cried. "And he shows up on my doorstep barely alive after a recent regeneration, his TARDIS in ruins, and no answers!" She took a few deep breaths. "Besides, you haven't treated a Time Lord before. I have. Now let's go. I'll explain on the way."

* * *

He fought against the current dragging him upward. He didn't want to go up; he knew what was up there. All that was up there was fire and death and pain. He wanted to stay in the darkness where it was safe. He didn't want to face the pain he already felt.

An anguished cry escaped him as the current surged and he was thrust into the light. Slowly the world around him came into focus. There was pain, but there was no fire and there was no death.

That's because there _had_ been death. But he had escaped.

His eyes focused on the clean, light blue ceiling. His ears picked up a four-beat beeping sound. His body felt the soft covers of a blanket. His nose picked up the sharp scent of antiseptic. His tongue tasted recycled air. His mind felt a single familiar consciousness several floors below, and the whisperings of nearby minds he did not recognize. But his mind was otherwise silent.

He started to mourn that which he could not hear.

* * *

"Lucia to Lady Nyssa."

Nyssa picked up her communicator. "This is Nyssa."

"Lady, the man from the box is awake," Lucia said. "But something is wrong, you're needed down here right away."

"I'll be there momentarily," Nyssa said. She took off at a dead sprint, her joy at seeing an old friend smothered by her worry for him.

When Nyssa arrived, she found two of the Vanir holding the man down as a third tried to get straps around his arms.

"He woke up like this," the nurse named Patri said. "We can't get him to calm down."

"Let me try," Nyssa said. Patri opened his mouth to protest, but Nyssa cut him off. "I'll be fine, he knows who I am."

Nyssa approached the struggling man. Tears flowed freely down his face as he screamed. Nyssa's single heart began to break; she had never seen the Doctor like this. He was not in physical pain, he was suffering from mental anguish.

"Doctor? Doctor can you hear me?" Nyssa called, trying to be heard above her friend's sobs. "It's me, it's Nyssa! Nyssa of Traken!"

It took a few moments for her words to break through. "N-n-n-yss-ssa?" he stuttered. "N-yssa?"

"Yes, Doctor, Nyssa," Nyssa said, taking the man's hand. He stopped struggling and one of the orderlies started putting the straps on him, but Nyssa waved him away. "I'm here, Doctor, you're safe now."

"S-safe from wh-wh-what?" the Doctor asked. "I'm-m the d-d-danger. Oh God, Nyssa, wh-what have I done?"

"I don't understand, Doctor," Nyssa said. "What did you do?"

"I'm alone, Nyssa," the Doctor whispered. "I'm alone. They're all g-gone. I did it. I did it, Nyssa! I'm no better than he was! I'm no better than _him_!"

"Doctor!" Nyssa cried as the Doctor melted into hysterics once more. "Doctor please!"

But he wasn't listening to her any more. Nyssa allowed herself to be pulled back as the Doctor was injected with sedative. He fought against the drug, but then seemed eager to give into unconsciousness.

"What did he mean at the end?" Olvir asked, nursing a swelling cheek. "Who is he no better than?"

"He's no better than him," Nyssa said. "No better than the man who killed my people and left me alone. The Master…"

"Who's the Master?" Patri asked.

"Another Time Lord, a renegade like the Doctor," Nyssa explained. "A horrible, evil man. He stole my father's body, and killed, _murdered_, every soul of the Traken Union except for me and maybe a handful of others."

"Nyssa, the Doctor saved us and the universe," Olvir said. "How can he be like the man you just described?"

"I don't know," Nyssa replied. "He'll give us the answer when he's ready. For now, let him rest. Whatever happened to him and the TARDIS is in the past now, it's our job to get him into the future."

In the next few days, a schedule was set up for taking care of _Terminus_'s newest patients. Nyssa arranged groups to help clean up the TARDIS by removing debris and trying to repair some of the Time capsule's systems. The doors leading deeper into the ship were locked even to Nyssa's key, though Nyssa decided this was good. She didn't want any of her people getting lost in the TARDIS's vast interior, and she figured it meant the TARDIS was taking care of things beyond the doors.

Repairs and cleaning the TARDIS only took a week and a half, much to the staff's amazement. Nyssa just smiled at the memories of the ship cleaning the messes she made in her room while traveling with the Doctor, and knew the TARDIS was recovering nicely. The old Time capsule even supplied some drop cloths and the correct shade of rich blue to repaint her exterior. Lucia's reaction to finding the paint supplies had been priceless, and the girl's joy of exacting revenge on her fellow apprentice Patch was strong enough to spread across the ship. Patch spent weeks cleaning the blue pain out of his hair.

While the TARDIS was recovering nicely, the Doctor was another matter. He was mentally withdrawn and unresponsive when conscious. After his outburst when he arrived, he barely spoke. His body was recovering, but his mind was not. He went through the motions of eating, sleeping, reading, and walking with support, but his face was devoid of emotion and his eyes were empty. The only times he reacted were during fits of hysteria that often resulted in him being sedated and someone suffering a black eye or other facial injury.

Nyssa became frightened of the change in the Doctor and that he would not recover. He was so unlike the man she remembered, physically and mentally. Gone was the young caring cricketer with the boyish face half hidden by blond fringe. All that was left was a man hardened and suffering from the shock of his experiences, a man with big ears and short dark hair that wasn't long enough to hide the pain in his eyes.

"This is the most severe case of battle shock I've ever seen," Valgard said one day. "I can't begin to imagine what caused it."

Unfortunately, Nyssa started to imagine. She began to understand what might have happened, but she kept her theories to herself. She wanted the Doctor to tell her the truth before making any conclusions. But as days turned into weeks with few signs of improvement, Nyssa began to doubt if the Doctor would ever give any answers.

Finally, Nyssa decided enough was enough. If the Doctor wasn't going to confront what happened and tell her, she would make him.

The day she went to his room for answers, he was gone.


	2. Part II

Here's Part II! Please remember to review!

* * *

He wandered the hallways, often going in circles, hitting dead ends, doubling back. The hallways were like his mind, a confined but seemingly endless maze he desperately wanted to lose himself in. Or maybe find himself. Or both, if that even made sense.

He was careful to avoid the staff on the ship. They were well trained, well intentioned, and looking for him. It wasn't uncommon for him to wander about and then return to his room, and was surprised when the staff began searching for him. He remembered what _Terminus _had been like when he had last visited, and was proud of what his old companion had done to _Terminus_. What was once a ship of death now promised life.

Life: a curse and a blessing. A blessing when you wanted it, a curse when you couldn't end it.

The sight of stars outside one of the windows caught his eye. He wondered how many of them he had visited. Most of them, probably, at one time or another. The rest, the ones he hadn't visited, he might never get to them…

"Doctor?"

His hearts almost leaped out of his chest. He spun around to find her standing there. It had been years since they had parted, she had been so young then but the years had been kind to her. She was still pretty, her brown hair still bouncing with curls and very few grey hairs. She had laugh lines around her face, and vibrant eyes that were filled with worry. She was a burst of life in a death-filled place.

"Nyssa of Traken," the Doctor said. "You have grown."

Nyssa smiled. "And you have regenerated."

The Doctor sighed and looked out the window. "Four times since I last saw you. How long has it been?"

"Twenty years," Nyssa replied. "Though I think it has been much longer for you, much, much longer."

"At least two centuries," the Doctor said. "Probably more."

"Four regenerations in two-hundred years?" Nyssa asked. "You haven't been taking care of yourself very well."

Okay, more than two centuries," the Doctor admitted. "I've lost count of a lot of things, lately."

"Probably because things have been happening lately," Nyssa said, stepping up beside the Doctor.

"Yeah…" The Doctor said. "You've got a proper staff now, I see."

Nyssa nodded. "Some of those infected with Lazars disease were doctors and healers. A few decided to stay and help perfect the cure, others took what they learned here to cure people outside of _Terminus_. And then some just elected to stay because they had nothing to go back to."

"And Olvir?"

"He… he stayed of his own accord," Nyssa said.

The Doctor didn't reply. He just stared at the stars.

"You're not him, Doctor."

"What?"

Nyssa looked up at the Time Lord. "When you first woke up, you said you were no better than him, than the Master. That's not true."

"You don't understand," the Doctor said, shaking his head. "In the end… I killed them."

"What?" Nyssa gasped.

"Nyssa, my people were at war," the Doctor said. "We went to war against the Daleks. A war that raged across all of Time and Space: the Time War. I had no choice, I had to fight. As much as I disliked the Time Lords, they were my people, Gallifrey was my home and I was sworn to protect it. I was a commander; I led hundreds of troops into battle, I led them to their deaths. I watched planets become consumed just for a single victory that in the end meant nothing. Gallifrey fell, Nyssa, the Time Lords were defeated."

Nyssa covered her mouth in shock. She had been to Gallifrey once, and the thought of the entire planet becoming overrun by Daleks was almost unbearable. She remembered Gallifrey as an impenetrable fortress of a planet housing a culture and people that had existed for millennia. A tear rolled down the Doctor's cheek. He suddenly looked so old, so frail, like he was about to shatter into a million pieces.

"But so were the Daleks. In the end, there was no choice; neither side could win without all of existence paying for that victory. I couldn't let that happen. In a single Moment, I ended it all. I ended the War. I ended the Daleks. I ended Gallifrey. I ended the Time Lords. Not one survived that Moment, except me…"

Nyssa leaned against the wall for support. The Doctor had expected her to move away from him, but instead she wrapped her arms around him. She couldn't think, she could barely process, barely believe what her friend had just told her.

He had killed two entire species. He had destroyed his own home planet. He was the only survivor.

He was the last of the Time Lords. And he had come to her, the only person he knew who had experienced the same kind of pain.

"Oh Doctor…" Nyssa whispered, suddenly understanding. The Doctor buried his face into her hair and started to sob. "Doctor, I'm here…"

When Olvir found them, Nyssa was crying too. The two were quietly separated when the Doctor fell unconscious. The journey beyond his room had exhausted the recovering Time Lord. Nyssa continued to cry into Olvir's shoulder.

"I don't care what he did," she cried. "He's still nothing like that man."

When Nyssa calmed down enough to tell the others what the Doctor told her, they all agreed that his existence there on _Terminus_ should be kept a secret. It was the safest option for everyone. If people found out there was only one Time Lord left in existence, life might get very hard for him, and there was no telling how the universe would react to the news.

* * *

"Olso, hand me that laser cutter there, would you?"

"This one?"

"Yes, thanks."

Olso watched as the Doctor disappeared back into the bulkhead. Moments later a bright light flickered out of the space as the Doctor reconnected the wires back to the control circuit. Once he finished, he shimmied back out of the hole.

"That should do it," he said. "Tell Bor to check it."

"Bor!" Olso shouted down the hall. "Try it now!"

"Okay!" Bor called back. A few seconds later he added, "It's working!"

"Fantastic!" the Doctor exclaimed. He turned to Olso and added, "See, I told you it was the connections."

"Okay, so I was wrong," Olso sighed. "I'm sorry."

The Doctor just shook his head. The two looked up as Nyssa walked around the corner. "Where are you going, Nyssa?" the Doctor asked.

"I'm going to check on a few patients in Ward 5," Nyssa replied. "You fixed the food dispenser, I see."

"Guys! Guys! It gives out ice cream now!" Bor cried happily. He nearly dropped the three ice cream cones in surprise when he spotted Nyssa. "Lady Nyssa, we, uh…"

"It's fine, Bor, enjoy your treat," Nyssa said.

"I'll come with you, Nyssa," the Doctor said. He jumped to his feet.

"Are you…"

"I'm sure."

Nyssa nodded, and the two headed down the hall. She knew it was no use arguing with the Doctor. He may have regenerated, but he was just as stubborn as she remembered.

The Doctor had been on _Terminus _for almost five months now. He was physically fully recovered, but his mental scars were taking much longer to heal. He was often distant and almost timid and a little skittish around loud noises. When he could finally walk without a cane, he started helping the staff by doing odd jobs. He managed to get the hologram projector working for the first time in years, fixed and updated old systems and machines, took inventory, helped with deliveries of supplies, and more. He was eager to help in any way possible.

He even rearranged the TARDIS so her Sickbay was more accessible and could treat some of the patients. The TARDIS computer banks were used to update the records in _Terminus_'s files on various species and diseases. The knowledge offered by the Doctor was invaluable, and helped save many lives.

But still, lives were lost. And no one took those losses harder than the Doctor.

Nyssa continuously worried about her old friend. He never stayed long in one place, so why was he staying on _Terminus_? The TARDIS was repaired, had a new coat of pain and a new "desktop" theme, though she hadn't found the time to see it yet. The Doctor had recovered, yet he seemed to have no intention of leaving. She never had time to figure out the answer, and right now wasn't the best time to dwell on the subject. The two entered a turbo-lift, and headed down to Ward 5.

"What's the situation?" the Doctor asked.

"There's been a complication of some sort with Geor Methalin's recovery," Nyssa said. "He wasn't in the best condition when he came in, but we thought he was improving and might make it through."

The doors opened and they hurried down the hall. Nyssa had to jog to keep up with the Doctor's long strides. The Time Lord was on a mission and looked about ready to knock anyone over who got in his way. They entered Ward 5 and headed straight to the room housing Geor Methalin.

"What's going on?" Nyssa asked.

"He's regressing," Patri said.

"You have to get him to the Garm," the Doctor said.

"We can't," Sigurd replied. "The Garm is currently treating others, and Methalin just underwent treatment himself two days ago. He's too weak to go through it again."

"He's still got a chance!" the Doctor shouted.

"A very slim one!" Sigurn shouted back. "You haven't been on _Terminus_ long enough, Doctor. Sometimes there is something called a lost cause, and you just have to accept it!"

"If you're not going to do anything, then I will," the Doctor said. "I bring my TARDIS down here, she's got a perfectly viable Sickbay."

"Doctor," Nyssa said.

"You know she does, Nyssa," the Doctor said. "I thought you wanted to save people here!"

"I do," Nyssa said. "But Geor is beyond saving now…"

The Doctor turned around. Patri gently closed the man's eyes and said a prayer. Sigurn went to find Minister Jopen. The machines monitoring Geor Methalin's life signs had gone silent. The old man was dead.

"We tried…" Patri said.

The Doctor spun on his heel and stormed out. No one spoke for a few moments. They all flinched at the sound of something breaking down the hall; no doubt a cart or a table had gotten in the Time Lord's way. Patri silence. "He can't stay here, Nyssa."

"I know," Nyssa whispered. "But I can't just kick him out; he's got nowhere to go."

"I thought you said he was a traveler."

"He was, but I think he's lost that spirit now. He's lost so much…"

"And he's losing more by staying here." Patri placed his hand on Nyssa's shoulder. "_Terminus_ is not the place he needs to recover from the War. He came here to escape from all the death he had seen…"

"And found more instead," Nyssa finished.

"I stayed here because I knew I could make myself more useful here than back home," Patri said. "The Doctor is looking for a similar usefulness, but he's just getting in the way. He has too much baggage, Nyssa. He's not the man you remember."

"I know, Patri! But I can't just give up on him!"

"Lady Nyssa, as far as I can tell, the Doctor has all but given up on himself," Patri said. "Maybe he is a lost cause…"

"The Doctor is not a lost cause!" Nyssa screamed, shoving Patri away. "I will not give up on him!"

"Well then you had better think of something fast," Patri replied, "Because if he's not a lost cause now, he'll become one. That man is suffering from something none of us can fully understand, and it's _destroying _him, Nyssa. Staying here isn't helping him, it's killing him!"

Nyssa opened her mouth to reply, but snapped it shut. She sprinted out of the room, leaving Patri and Geor Methalin in her dust.

"Nyssa? Nyssa wait!"

"Let me go!" Nyssa struggled to pull away from the person who grabbed her arm.

"Nyssa, stop!"

She did, and opened her eyes. Olvir looked at her, his face full of worry. "It's the Doctor, isn't it? I just saw him storm off."

"Olvir, I don't know what to do!" Nyssa sighed.

"I think you do, Nyssa, but you want another option," Olvir said.

"Patri's right, he can't stay here…"

"Then tell him that." He cut off Nyssa's protests. "If you think it's the right thing, it won't hurt to tell him that. Just talk to him."

Nyssa nodded. "Talking would be a good start."

"I'll come too," Olvir said.

"Okay, but let me talk to him alone first. I need to be the one to tell him."


	3. Part III

And Part III! Please please please Review!

* * *

Geor Methalin was from Thoria. He was a father of three, grandfather of ten. A friend, a husband, a father, an uncle, and a good man. And he had just died.

It was a single death, a single death among millions, yet the Doctor felt as if he had lost the person who meant the most to him.

"It's all your fault, you know," he growled. "You just had to die and leave me to pick up the pieces. You took the coward's way out."

_"I had little choice in the matter, as you may remember."_

The Doctor spun around. There was another man standing there, a young man with curly brown hair and blue eyes dressed in a green frock coat, silk shirt, trousers, and a cravat. The Doctor shouted and charged at the man, who simply stepped out of the way.

_"You know full well you can't touch me,"_ he said.

"I can bloody well try!" the Doctor shouted.

_"I know what you're thinking,_" the man said sadly.

"That I ought to punch your lights out for what you did?"

_"I'm one to agree with you, however that would only hurt yourself more than it would hurt me," _the man admitted._ "If anyone was supposed to deal with the aftermath, it should have been me, not you. But it was my time…"_

"Liar!"

_"We were dying!_

"Coward!"

_"You call me a coward, but the real cowardly thing to do would have been to actually die then and there. I may have died, but you lived, you survived to make right all the wrongs we did."_

"I did nothing wrong!" the Doctor cried. "I did nothing to deserve this! This is all your doing, you bastard!"

The man shook his head. _"I'm sorry…"_

"I don't want your apology," the Doctor spat.

_"Would you let me finish?"_ the man shouted. _"I'm sorry for what we, I, did. If there had been any other options, you know I, we, would have taken that other option, but there were none. And you know what? I didn't want to regenerate. After all that, I didn't want to wake up a new man with the memory and guilt of something he did in a past life."_

"That hardly makes me feel better."

_"We can never take back what we did, but we can try and make things right, you can try and make things right."_ The man frowned. _"And right now you're just hiding from the universe, crying and cursing yourself. You have every right to do the latter, but it's about time you tried to do something about the former."_

"I am doing something!"

_"This is doing something?"_ The man motioned to the ship around them. _"Wow, then maybe I should have just died and ended it back there, if my replacement is just going to mope around an old hospital ship rather than coming to terms…"_

"How am I to come to terms with what I did?" The Doctor roared. "I killed _billions_ of lives, ended them in a single Moment, and you want me to _come to terms _with that?!"

_"Why do you think the TARDIS brought you here?"_

"I don't know why the TARDIS brought me here! As far as I'm concerned, she should have just landed on some barren asteroid for me to spend the rest of my days on where I wouldn't be able to destroy lives everywhere I went! Maybe if I did that, people would live! Maybe then I would stop _killing people and those I love!_"

"Doctor?"

The Doctor spun around. Nyssa stood at the end of the hall, fear etched across her face. The Doctor turned back, but the man in the green coat was gone. When he looked back at Nyssa, he took an involuntary step back. She was now backed by eight ghosts only he could see.

"Doctor," Nyssa said gently. "What do you see?"

"I…" He couldn't say it. Damn it, they were right in front of him!

"What do you see?"

"I see me!" the Doctor cried. "Oh God, I see me, all of me! Ever life I have lived! All of them! And… and especially him."

Nyssa slowly walked forward. The ghosts followed. She waved her hand behind her, halting Olvir and the two Vanir waiting around the corner. The Doctor was unstable, and right now she had a feeling she was the only one who could help.

Actually, she knew she was the only one who could help. And somehow she felt she had support not just from the men around the corner.

"Doctor, I know why the TARDIS brought you here," she said. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I thought you knew."

The Doctor looked up. He had sunk to the ground. "What?"

"I thought you knew why you came here," Nyssa said. "But now I remember how the TARDIS never went where you wanted to go. You didn't want to come here; you were brought here because you needed to be here."

"I haven't done much good," the Doctor mumbled.

"Stop beating yourself up!" Nyssa snapped. The Doctor looked up and then looked away as the ghost of his young, blond, cricketing-self frowned along with the woman he once traveled with.

"You've done worlds of good since you arrived!" Nyssa continued. "But I haven't. Doctor, I'm sorry I was neglecting you."

"Neglecting me?"

"You and I are two of a kind, Doctor. We're both the last of our people. Only we know what that is like. That's why the TARDIS brought you to _Terminus_. She brought you to a kindred spirit, someone who had gone through the same pain, well, similar pain to what you're experiencing now."

The Doctor nodded.

"I'll tell you one thing, Doctor," she continued, "It never fully goes away. That pain and loneliness will always be with you, but there are ways to ease the burden. These ways, however, are not found on _Terminus_."

"Then why would I be here?" the Doctor asked.

"Because you had to hear it from someone who knew this," Nyssa explained. "When Traken was destroyed, you took me in. Had I been left alone, I probably would have taken my own life, the Guardian knows I thought about doing so countless times. I was alone, everything and everyone I had ever known was gone, except for the body of my father. I mourned them all, you remember those nights I kept you and Tegan up? I would cry my heart out because I had lost everything, but deep inside I knew I wasn't alone. As long as I had a pair of arms around me while I cried, I felt safe."

The Doctor remembered those nights quite well. Sometimes the memory of a Time Lord was a burden. He remembered holding Nyssa awkwardly as she cried and wept for her people. Tegan had taken pity on his discomfort more than once and had done her best to help the young Trakenite as well.

"Not to mention, you barely gave me any time to cry," Nyssa went on. "We were always so busy! You remember that, don't you? Of course you do. We were always moving from one adventure to the next, one planet to the next, one time to the next, one danger to the next. I saw and experienced so many things when I was with you, Doctor! I barely had time to dwell on what I had lost when I was gaining so much more!

"And when you finally brought me to _Terminus_, I found what I had been looking for. I had found a purpose, and place where I could make a difference and help people using the knowledge of Traken. Over the years I have written books about my culture and taught hundreds of patients about my people so that Traken would never truly die.

"That's what you need, Doctor. You need to be busy, you need something to take your mind off of things, you need adventure. And most of all, you need someone to share the universe with."

"But I have all of that," the Doctor said. "I have all of that here."

"No you don't!" Nyssa cried. "You're barely a shadow of any of your former selves! Doctor, _Terminus_ is not the place you are looking for. For goodness sakes you have a _Time machine_! You have a TARDIS! That's where you belong, Doctor! You belong in the TARDIS, sailing the Time Vortex! You should be free, not rooted in one place you stupid Time Lord!"

The Doctor blinked. She was right. After five months, he had known something was missing, but he had been afraid to admit it. He had been afraid to fill the empty gap in his hearts, to respond to the siren-like call in the back of his mind. He had been afraid, so afraid to face the TARDIS, and all of the memories she held.

"Doctor?"

The Doctor looked up at Nyssa. "I suppose you're right. Maybe I should get going."

She smiled. "Not just yet, wait a day or two. We'll throw you a good-bye party. There'll be bananas."

For the first time in years, the Doctor laughed. "Good, bananas are good."

Nyssa helped him to his feet and led him down the hall. He looked back and watched as the ghosts of his past faded away, each with a smile on his face.

* * *

"So where will you go?"

The Doctor shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe the Eye of Orion, that's always nice. Or maybe Barcelona, the planet, mind you. Or maybe…"

"What about Earth?" Nyssa suggested.

"Earth? Why would I ever want to go to Earth?" the Doctor replied.

"I thought you loved Earth," Nyssa said. "Besides, going somewhere drastically new might not help you. You've got friends on Earth you can turn to if you need."

"I suppose," the Doctor mumbled.

It was three days after Nyssa had confronted him. In that time, the Doctor had made all the necessary preparations to leave _Terminus_, which really only meant he had packed up the few things in his quarters and moved them into the TARDIS. He would have preferred to leave quietly the night before, but Nyssa had insisted on throwing him a going away party. Most of the staff and those patients who had attended were still sleeping off the food and drink, leaving _Terminus_ quieter than usual.

Nyssa had set up an alarm on the Doctor's door to make sure he didn't leave without saying good-bye to her. He was at her door when she opened it. Evidently, he had planned on saying good-bye anyways. They had wandered the halls of _Terminus, _Nyssa in a sleep robe and the Doctor in his new clothes. Although old Mrs. Donough had fixed up most of the clothes he had arrived in ("That coat is not beyond saving! Give it to me, I'll make it good as new!"), the Doctor had put them back in his closet and opted for a pair of black pants, a plain shirt, and a heavy old leather jacket.

At long last, they had arrived at the TARDIS. "I guess this is where I leave you then," Nyssa sighed as the Doctor pulled out his key from a pocket.

"Nah, c'mon in," the Doctor said, holding open the door. "I haven't shown you the new desktop theme, have I?"

Nyssa's jaw dropped as she took in the new console room. The police box doors now opened directly into the cavernous space. The room was dome-shaped, with semi-familiar looking roundels lining the walls and ceiling. Organic-looking supports grew up through the metal grating floor, through which various machinery could be seen. The console was a hodgepodge of gizmos, gadgets, flips and switches, toys, buttons, and even a hammer, each having its own function and the final result hardly resembled the previous archaic version when the TARDIS first arrived or the technological mushroom Nyssa remembered from her travels. The Time Rotor was housed in a glass casing that reached all the way up to the ceiling.

"I had to check the TARDIS's main shoots," the Doctor said, placing his hand on one of the supports. "I was afraid she might have suffered major internal structural damage. I should know better, the old girl is nearly indestructible!"

A deep rumbling could be heard from deep in the TARDIS. "_Is_ indestructible, sorry!" the Doctor added.

"So then these are her main supports?" Nyssa asked.

"These are her bones," the Doctor replied. "Well, the more accurate term would be coral. TARDISes are, were, grown, you see. Takes hundreds of years, but if you cut off a piece here you would eventually have yourself a TARDIS. Sure, she's got a few artificial systems in her, but most of the TARDIS is organic in nature. I brought these shoots up to check them, and decided they looked quite nice so I kept them."

"They are interesting," Nyssa said. The coral felt smooth and warm to the touch, with energy coursing through it just below the surface. "I like it better than the older room."

"Me too," the Doctor sighed.

The two old friends lapsed into silence. They were content to just be in the others', and the TARDIS's, company. Finally, Nyssa spoke up. "There is one thing, though."

"What's that?" the Doctor asked.

"It's too dark in here," Nyssa answered. "You need better lighting, different colors."

The Doctor reached around on the console, flipping on a few switches. The backlighting in the roundels brightened up a bit, and the room gained a golden glow. "How's that?"

"Much better."

They again lapsed into silence, which was broken minutes later from a shout outside.

"Lady! Lady Nyssa!"

"In here, Lucia!" Nyssa called. The young woman entered the TARDIS, and was startled by the change.

"Yes, Lucia?" Nyssa asked. "What is so important that you ran all the way down here to tell me?"

Lucia blushed. "There's a new arrival, Lady Nyssa."

"Duty calls," the Doctor said.

"Indeed it does," Nyssa replied. She pulled the Doctor into a deep hug. "Don't forget, you can come back here any time if you need anything, or even just to visit. The door's always open, not that you'd bother with it."

"I'll remember that," the Doctor replied, his voice muffled by her hair. "Time Lords don't forget."

Nyssa pulled back. She was smiling despite the tears in her eyes. "Be safe."

"I will."

The Doctor let go and Nyssa headed for the door. She turned back before leaving. "Where will you go?"

The Doctor shrugged. "Your idea of Earth sounded nice. I might spend some time there, try and do some good."

"You don't have to try," Nyssa said. "You always do good."

The Doctor smiled. "Yeah, I'm fantastic that way, aren't I?"

"Yes you are."

"Good-Bye, Nyssa of Traken. Thank you."

"You're welcome, Doctor of the TARDIS. Safe travels."

Nyssa exited the TARDIS and closed the door behind her. The Doctor waited a few moments before activating the dematerialization circuits. As the TARDIS vanished from view, Nyssa watched with Lucia as her old home left her once more.

"Good luck, Doctor," she said. "I know you'll be fantastic."


End file.
